Tuesday, 30 July 2013

(Deliberate) Mistake - School Holidays

 wagon, shark, navel, bulb, banana

One of my lovely readers has noted that I have made a glaring mistake in this story  - I used the word naval instead of the mandatory word we were supposed to use, as above, of navel.

My thanks go to Nelson for pointing out my (deliberate!) mistake.

Here is the corrected version of the same story:

(Deliberate Mistake) 
School Holidays
Gloria stood at the kitchen worktop her hand pressed to her back lightly massaging her spine trying to relieve the arthritis ache that accompanied her elder years.    The gardening she did yesterday afternoon was taking its toll this morning.  Row upon row of plants she’d managed to bury deep in the fertile soil of her lovely cottage garden.  She was pleased to see the results of last year’s crop of bulb planting gradually growing albeit about three weeks behind the norm due to the adverse weather conditions.
Now the weather was being just as strange with thunder storms and heat waves but today was going to be glorious.   She pulled the fresh bread from the bread bin and started slicing the Tiger loaf.   The two lunch boxes were for her grandsons, she was making them a banana and jam sandwich followed by one of their favourite treats, a Wagon Wheel, a chocolate biscuit with a marshmallow centre, not allowed in their own home which always consisted of very healthy, organic food, popping in a couple of navel oranges.
She added a packet of crisps, fruit juice and an apple and hopefully that would keep Tyler and Bradley happy for the whole day.  She’d be surprised if they waited until lunch time before they started to eat their way through the contents.
She always looked forward to the summer holidays when she loved helping out her daughter out who always found childcare difficult as she and her husband had full time demanding jobs.  Kathryn was an accountant and always had deadlines to meet and Rob was often away on naval manoeuvres for weeks at a time.  That was the only downfall to being married to a serving sailor but it gave her an opportunity to spend quality time with the two boys.
She could hear them bickering gently upstairs; there was only a year between them but everybody thought they were twins.
The boys bounded down the stairs greeting her gaily.  ‘Nan, it’s a lovely day.  What shall we do today?’  Tyler was always the ring leader, the spokesman of the two although he was the younger boy.
Bradley eyed up the food on the counter ready to go in the lunch boxes.  ‘Are we going out, Nan?’ he asked quietly. 
‘I thought we could go to the coast today,’ Gloria replied.  ‘I’ve got tickets to visit the Blue Reef Aquarium.’
Shark attack, shark attack.’  The two boys made large gnashing motions with their hands as they dove under the kitchen table and pretended to be large predatory sharks attacking each other.
Gloria started laughing which made the boys laugh, they were laughing so much they started coughing and hiccupping and Gloria reached for a tissue to wipe her streaming eyes.   
The doorbell rang.  Gloria stopped in her tracks, 8.30 a.m. nobody ever rang her doorbell this early in the morning.  Through the glass pane she could see the outlined shadows of two uniformed policemen.  This would not be good news.

Word count: 500 excluding title                                                  


  1. Lol, I think someone else did too but I never mentioned it. Could have gone for the tummy-button connection.

    I found this interesting. I have read two others that both saw a football connection and I wanted to see if everyone did because I hadn't. You didn't either but took me by surprise. The end sounds like a tragic irony for the boys.

  2. Good one Sally. I love 500 word flash fiction. Didn't see the ending coming.

  3. I agree, that ending was a surprise!


    You are awesome so I nominated you for a Sunshine Award. You can pick it up here: http://bev-thebevelededge.blogspot.com/2013/07/at-long-last-sunshine-award.html
    I hope you'll accept it and spread the love.

  4. Naval - navel, lol! Great story Sally. Nice, twisty ending. I like the way you set it up and progressed throughout to the surprise at the end. 500 words is a good length.

  5. Wow, you packed a lot into these 500 words! I hope that Kathryn didn't die.

    Kathy M.