Monday 3 June 2013

JUST A DREAM




WWBH Prompt!
for Wednesday 29th May 2013
Here are the rules:
1) Use the photo and the 5 words provided in your story
2) Keep your word count 500 words or less.
3) You have until next Tuesday to link up your post.
4) Link up with your blog hostess (Nicole, Carrie, Tena or Leanne) when you’re done via the inLinkz linky below.
5) Have fun, don’t stress, let those creative juices flow.

The Words:

Carriage

Gym

Poster

North

Bar

The Photo:

JUST A DREAM
Juliette sat in the waiting room impatiently waiting to be called
She watched the second and minute hands of the clock as they crawled
So slowly around the Roman numerals as the time ticked slowly by
She had to get across town to pick Mike up from the gym then her eye
Caught sight of the poster that was curling at the edges promoting a new bar
N O R T H in big bold capital letters stood out so you could see it from afar
North of where? What happened to East, West and South?
Then the dentist was ready for her and before she could answer her mouth
Was stuffed with gentle fingers and tools that pricked and poked and jabbed
The anaesthetic numbed her gums but also sent her into a reverie
For the next half an hour her mind wandered totally carefree

She rode in her carriage along the wet and windy street
A thick travelling blanket was wrapped tightly around her feet
Through the misted, rain splattered windows she surveyed her surroundings
The street light offered up an ethereal glow, lighting up the buildings
Such a shame the old family home was now boarded up, closed tight
Recalling the shame of the recession and how hard her family tried to fight
Their possessions were lost, the bank foreclosed and they had to leave
Her parents and her brothers lost the business and felt so bereaved
As they tried to build up their lives again and recover and start again
She saw them wither and falter but she didn't think any less of them
She knew they would come through and fight stronger than ever before
It wouldn’t be long before they would hold the key once again and open the door

‘Juliette, we are all done,’ said a voice echoing down through the reaches of time
‘Rinse out please.’  She left the surgery with instructions not to eat until dinnertime.
She drove the car smoothly away from the car park towards the old family abode
She turned the steering wheel as they approached the old house silhouetted and shadowed
More than her dream in the dentist’s chair, she espied a poster on the front door that said
‘Opening Soon’ the N O R T H, incorporating a members’ gym, fine wine, bar and dining
Its logo was an old fashioned horse and carriage as a black and white line drawing

It must be an omen Juliette thought as she went to collect Mike from his workout
She told him all about it and he suggested they go one evening and check it out
He understood her need to see the old family pile and what changes had been made
To embrace her and hold her tight as the emotion of her family being betrayed
Her slate grey eyes holding all the pain of her family story from so long ago
That had delivered her family’s final deathblow.


Word Count: 495

13 comments:

  1. Love how you started with a modern day visit to the dentist and wove in omens and a family's past. I always enjoy your stories and this one was no exception.

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  2. I enjoyed this story, especially the interweaving of time periods. This format is something I've never thought of trying. Well done.

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  3. Ditto to what the others said. Nice work!

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  4. This makes me wonder what happened to her family. Really lovely, I enjoyed reading it. :)

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  5. Wow- what a dense piece. Felt like meandering through a maze of different emotions. Captured the sense of a mind wandering incredibly well here.

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  6. Well done Sally--funny how we each see the picture and envision different things. I wouldn't have have thought of a dentist in a million years. ;) Good job.

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  7. Ohhh my mind was drifting with this character as she went along!! You captured her mind state perfectly! I loved this piece!!

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  8. Sad - I wonder if it's wise to return to old pastures and risk opening the wounds afresh. Great journey prompted by the words, though.

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  9. I never know where you're going to take us with your poems, which is one of the many things I like about your pieces. Beautifully done, even with the sad undertones, and yet, I still felt a spark of hope.

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  10. Love this so much. I got pleasantly immersed in her dream/story. This has a gentle and sad tone, but there is something beautiful in this. Well done! :)

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  11. Enjoyed the journey Sally, and really well crafted to keep the rhythm, rhyme and interest. I wonder what Juliette's secret is? How does she manage to lose herself for half an hour in a dentist's chair!!
    There are unanswered questions around the family's demise which you leave nicely for the reader to speculate further on.

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  12. Wow, what a journey. Hate the dentist, and you caught everything about it that I hate. :)
    Sad things to happen but going back may not be the best idea. Move on, forward and heal.
    Great story based on the prompts! Amazing where the mind goes.

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  13. This is an interesting story within a story, both with images of pain and foreboding.

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